Can you catch my breath

Wednesday, February 28

oh ya,i forgot to update that i had choosen the new course,
event management as my first choice.

Location:Bishan ITE.

If i dont get in,i would feel very .........
as my other choices like admin and sports management are soooo
not suitable for me lah.

i cant stay in a box(makes me feel claustrophobic) and type my arse away,i'll end up surfing porn or something.

Nor can i act all sporty and develop a tan and a brain filled with non-existent sports knowledge overnight.

or some scapegoat can die now or i can take his/her vacancy at rp.
YIPEE~

thank god for DAE,it gives me a speck of hope!

PRAY FOR ME ,U GOD -HUGGERS!!
ERRR..GOD -BELIEVERS!

1:40 PM

Harry Potter had his butter beer and i have discovered my orange peel!

im so fucking sick now lah.
i NEED a 'inside' nose job.
it's always the bloody source of sickness.

12:06 AM

Sunday, February 25

Expect the unexpected.

i was buying my lunch just now when i saw my ex-collegue.
we chatted for abt 5 sentences
and without warning,two indian men approached him.

They flashed an identiciation card.
and demanded he was to come with them now.

they were plainclothed policemen.
Momentarily,i was too shocked to say anything and just watch them lead him
away.
i was too stunned to even say good-bye.

but the point was the defeated look on his face,as though he was expecting this already.
Hope everything is okay now.

10:37 PM

Saturday, February 24

some things i wanna say to some really random people.

mostly sounds crude and all.
im sorry.but these are really my thinkings.
u can go your way and i'll go mine.
thank you. u may express ur displeasure in the tagboard-->

-thank you for hollering GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i would only hop on ur bus because u are genuinely sincere and that smile of yours
really is bright.thanks bus auntie driver!

-its not the cutting that is big,please accept the fact that u are fat.
yes,im cruel but pls dun lie to urself anymore.

-u are so cute.ur eyes sparkled like sum old baldy's polished head.
dont grow up to be ASSUMED typical stereotypes of a particular race.
Let's face it,no matter how multi-racial spore claims she is,there are still cases of racial discrimation.

-dun attempt to use vulgarities especially when u include someone's mother vagina inside..its not nice.but at least i understand it.
but u eat ur OCK and 'bestowed' bits of it on the floor.
ants will come,more dirt will be produced.
clothes will be dirrty.customer sees,they will complain.
see the vicious cycle?

sorry if it cant be understood.
cos i din really elaborate.just let me rant.

12:00 AM

Thursday, February 22

it slapped me today.
repeatedly.

reminding me it's always here to haunt not only me but everyone.
There's no escape from it.

How realistic everything is.
when people burrow further and deeper,hoping to discover some concealed truths.
im afraid it seems that realistism(is there such a word) is just too out in the open.

Competitiveness
i dont like.yes,i know it improves us.
but STILL,i just dont like.
CAN DONT WANT NOT??
i sound like a kid,actually i still am.

im leaving soon anyhow.

im already very tired,especially of the late.
im looking forward to studying,work is just ugh.
im half dead when im on e bus home.its a miracle i can manage to drag myself off the bus.
n still buy hor fun today.

i should step out of my comfort zone.
once and for all.

11:02 PM

Tuesday, February 20

This is for lavis.
but it only comes in kid size.
maybe u can persuade mingxuan to wear it.

actually i can just attach the suspenders to the shorts and voila!
instant dungarees!but i still want this leh,makes me look fun.

I WANT THIS.
the words reminds me of 'The Nightmare before Christmas''
which is like my all time fave animated moviee~
NICE RIGHT.
(BUT IT LOOK BETTER IF I WORE IT!HEHE!)

and for a random rant.
SMART GUYS ARE SO ATTRACTIVE!

Im not talking about the supreme nerdy kinds who sticks their nose 24/7
on thick bland books of facts.

but aiyahhh those cute ones who do read.
not anime manga whatsoever mind u.

the intellect just seems so enigmatic.
*GRINS WIDELY.

9:40 PM

today happen to be the 100th post of this blog!
C'mon,rejoice with me!
i wonder how long i can maintain the blogging on a regular basis~

dined at Thai Express.
we were pretty noisy and i felt some negative vibes radiating from
several ppl but hey we liven up the place=)

anyhow went catch 'Norbit' at cathay cineplax just now.
it was an okay show with some funny bits here and there.
but i still prefer 'Nutty Professor' waaay back.

had a butt cramp and somehow feel kinda shagged after e movie.
huizhi wasnt feeliing too good so she went off with yingrui.
ken went meet his frens.
while e remainder of us went to LJS.

walked kinda aimlessly and finally sat down at the mrt stairs to talk.
then went home sweet home.

oh ya photos tml,send if u want ur lovely faces plastered here!!!!

and sorry for the itinerary kinda post.
kinda shagged.and tml still need wake up early for work.

i cant wait to study again.

1:35 AM

Monday, February 19

something's missing in the air~
i cant really place it.
i cant change it.

Everyone's grown up.
Gone were the days when we play catching under the void decks.
Screaming our lungs out,having our turn of quarrels and little injuries.
and yes,our fair share of bawling when we fall or bicker.

and yes,the 'in' action heroes were POWER RANGERS~
so we played that a fair bit.
and the guys wrestle in tilums(malay for mattress?)

Running about like nobody's business,merely fearing whether we would be
reprimanded for coming back to ah gong's house with dirt and sweat.

and because everyone was so pint-sized waay back then.
we would all huddled up in the room and do what 90% of typical sporeans do at cny,which is to GAMBLE!!!!!!!

but this year,maybe im just too weared out by work.
(or this is just a lousy defense?)
but im just contented slouching on the sofa.

it just din feel like a festive cny.
but i was glad to see everyone again.
everyone grown.
in size.in thinking.in appeitties.

i cant imagine all of us talking about current adult affairs
and the stock market or the cpf when we reached our mid twenties.

i just have to accept changes.
everything changes including myself.

but anyhow,i hope u guys enjoy ur new year.
when we grow up,our priority changes.
when i was a kid,i look forward to not schooling,tibits,fun and ANGBAOS!
but i still look forward to angbaos now anyhow.haha.

but all the angbows in the world cant be exchanged for ur cousins who played a significant role on ur childhood and yes,ur future.

1:20 AM

Friday, February 16

If one has to lose in order to learn how to cherish

i think the person who came up with this theory is a loser.

11:43 PM

Thursday, February 15

my 'harvest' today from Bugis and Far east plaza.

Brown lacey high heels
Black shorts with ribbon belt
Red suspenders
Green long top
Black bag
Sling metallic purse
Green earrings
Pink nail polish

as usual,i love to make little(at times insignificant) comments abt people.

UGLY SPOREANS PART 2

PLS MY DEAR COMMUTERS OF THE MRT!

dont rush into the train when the door opens.it's as though u are registering for the last recairnation of the year.im aware everyone is in a rush,but im sure the nice uncle driver of the train wont shut the door on your arses.he's not that perverse okay?

and THIS pisses me big-time.

bloody idiot(always a guy) leaning on the pole.i cant even hook my little finger cos ur whole body has merged with the pole as one!and because my brain juice is currently dry,i shall recycle this sentence from my nov or dec entry?

Do i have to grab ur penis as an aid to prevent myself from falling?

i 'tsk' at u and gave u such obvious hints.i throw daggers with my eyes and make contact with ur eyes.hoping u have a lil conscience for that elderly man.He grip what?ur ear ahh?or ur nose-hair?

i know it's gonna happen again and again.but the next time,i wont beat ard the bush.i would just shove ur head!!!!!!!!!!!!

no lah,as hq would say i am too humji.would just say in a very act classy voice.''sorry,do u mind?i need the pole,so does that lady next to u and that man behind her and the two-headed monster and .....''

and i think this kinda trivial things shouldnt be harped too much.so i end off here.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

even to my other races friends,u know u can indulge in this festive occassion too!

ps:i heard this indian lady humming the corny cny song e other day.she din sing outta tune,but there was a distinct indie tune.LOL.

10:09 PM

Wednesday, February 14

___________________________________

The most romantic couple in my opinion
is an elderly couple.

embracing age gracefully.
looking out for each other.
and an undeniable bond cultivated throughout the years.

the mutual understanding between them need not be
express aloud.

the silence would be comfortable and most importantly,
they would be with ease with each other.

and the love and affection thorughout the years would not falter.
instead it would be of an immense strongness.

the reassurance and they would live in good faith.
living in bliss and harmony.

Looking at the old couple on the street,merely holding hands.
(not because the guy is blind ahh.)
a simple act can touch one's heart
expressing affections openly.

i hope when i get old,wrinkled like a prune and yes,saggy breasts~
a special someone would serenade 'She' by Elvis Costello.

here's the song.
http://profile.imeem.com/mI1Hd/music/PWlbapoE/she/

pls go awwwwwwwwwwwwwww~ with me.
i think im a hopeless romantic.

11:54 PM

Sunday, February 11

STUPID QUESTIONS

sometimes,it's hard not to get exasperated
read the below to get my point.

auntie: ''Excuse me,are these shoes meant for walking? ''

me gives auntie this HUH look.

me: ''ya.errrr..all shoes are meant for walking.''

auntie dawns upon her silliness and produces a disturbingly
high-pitched laugh.

if i was a cheeky and well, rude lass.
i would give a smart assed retort.

''Nope,this are FLYING shoes.''
or ''Auntie,if u wear this shoe,ur breasts will not be saggy anymore!''

i think i would be a very scary person if my thoughts
were to become my actions.

i really dont get this.
is RED such a girly color for guys?
i think some parents are just plain overly-conversative.

they go ''ohh,boy boy or (insert any male name here) dont choose red.
is girl color!''

and recently,as much i love servin families.
i start to have second thoughts.
sometimes they sorta quarrel and i cant go off.
so i have to hear some embarrassing harsh words they throw at one another.

and time really files.
almost work a month at this job.
yuppie.

11:45 PM

i felt happy and disappointed at the same time today.

i was serving this middled-aged couple.
and all of a sudden,this woman asked''hey,u new here ahh?''
i panicked,i thought i had done something wrong.

i nodded.
she continued''ohh,because i never seen u here before.''
''Your service is very good.''

she beckoned to her husband,''That time u serve him,he also says
u provided good service.''

and of course,i was like damm fucking shuang.
u could see me grinning like a fool.
then when she had praised me beyond heavens,she suddenly
mentioned the big 'O'.
(not an organsm lah.)

she asked how did i do.
''Which JC or poly u heading to?''

*Imagine being hit by a 8746525925kg of rocks.
i didnt cry of course,not that emotional.
but i said very softly''Errrr,quite bad actually.''
and quickly looked down the shoe box.

she added''whatever it is,good luck''
something like that.

But of course i din brood over my results because
its no point harping over what had already being done.

i planto put new courses first.
yes,i know im nt eligible for some of the minimum requirements.
i cant try DAE,cos its my math n science grades tt have e prob not
english.

and yes,im putting ite courses in.
i know a certain someone is going to despise me.
but im just not blessed with the same brains like yours.
since u said im going in to get fucked right?

my decision is made.
at least 3/4 of it.
thanks for the advice,all people.
i will heed it.
but i will follow my heart.

yes,its is corny.

12:10 AM

Friday, February 9

i din do well for my Os.
in fact,it was EXTREMELY SHITTY.

i gt a frigging 27 pts.
i failed my maths n science.e8.
so what if i have a b3 for english?
im fuckingly nt eligible for any desired courses.

tell me my dear readers,
where the hell does this road which i pave myself
lead to now?

and to add on to my misery,there is something seriously
wrong with my right leg.kinda strained it or whatsoever.

i have been walking as though i have just being freshly fucked.
do laugh and point that accusing finger at me.
thank you.

11:56 PM

Thursday, February 8

SUSPENDERS~
fashion accessory that i WANT!

_______________________

went cny clothes shopping with qun.
she rebond/straighten her hair.
and ask me an excessive no.of times how she looked.

THIS IS FOR U,MS TAN!
the change had knocked down the age factor,and she look fresher.
and she dont look like my indonesian fren anymore=(

i bought a yellow dress with small black prints and a red belt.
still need another set of clothes and shoes~
shoes aint a problem,i have a few babies in mind.

i want those ultra-cool suspenders look.
for those who bought this month's 17,flip to page 20.
so COOL AND CUTE CAN?
but i dunno whether i can carry it off.

or i can just buy the suspenders alone at fourskin.
but i want black,skinny ones.

we ran to far east,heeren,cineleisure,takashimaya and bugis.
and step into plaza sing but shops were closed
as we were late.
and of course all the walking made our feet hurt.

and i think shopping should be made into a sport.
i may sound bimboish but we

walk(for diff.choices and to place to place)
stretch(to reach for the best item at the back)
twist(when modelling the clothes)

anyway my little toes are screaming in agony.
*%#$@

sian.as everyone would have heard,results on friday.
i positively dread it.after takin it,i still gotta rush for wrk.
hope i'll be kept busy at wrk,so i have no time to harp on e bloody results.

12:32 AM

Tuesday, February 6

_______________________________
i know this picture is very gay.
and this guy abit too chunky for my liking.
and that ribbon makes me guffaw.

apparently he shares the same sentiments as some of
the people reading this.

"""""""""""""""""""""""*******""""""""""""""""""""""""

im blogging yet again about impresions.
ad my day at wrk.
okays,today this very hunkyand a lil chunky muscular
malay guy came.

he wanted soccer gloves.but he din noe his size.
he was like so cute can.he had this adorable smile and sweet
drawling eyes.
i just wanna melt him down and lick him.

AND i got to squeeze his fingers!!
sorry,im a crazy girl.
and he thanked and smile at me.

to get to my pt,it was only like what 3 mins?
and i was like ohhhh
socutesocutesocute~
and bowled over by his looks and strong physique.

then within 10 minutes,he was back!
he saw me and smiled.
i smiled back but my smile faltered a bit.

WHY?

cos it suddenly hit me that he was kinda effeminate.
the full blast of his appearance again,despite the
chunky body but that smile
or maybe some sorta gentleness was like
sissy Sissy SISSY~

i read before that a first impression is made within 10 seconds of meeting.
but it seems that a second impression is a flashback.
and when u meet a person again,u tend to remember the first time.
it's hard to change the first impression as ppl tend to stick
or use it as a base.

however impressions do change.
so do opinions and blog entries.
remember tt cheena post?

today this guy bought one of e ugliest thing in the shop.
this black cap with a chinese character of ''我'' which means ''I''
in chinese.

it was so obiang and CHEENA.
like i would rather wear a cap which say ''cheenalicious''
or something.i take back my words.

ending my post with no tail.
kinda abrupt.
paiseh~
brainfreeze.

11:03 PM

Monday, February 5

it has been close to 4 months.
i was not enforced with any disclipine.
i could choose to take the alternative road of being
a good for nothing,or a wannabe hooligan.
or even being deliberately led astray.

but i didnt.
because it's stupid and i didnt want to continue
making any more stupid mistakes.

i have been selfish and irresponsible.
i realise it.
i really miss and love you.

its being hard on you.
i dunno how can i help u when we are in barely talking terms.
i know u had a hard time trying to raise money for the loans.
i know there has been significant changes in ur life.

things has got slightly better.
at least u no longer appear nonchalent to my existance.
and u no longer lock the door.

but still,i miss you.
its heart-wretching to see those cheebye families while i working.
although they bicker and drive me up the wall,there's family warmth and love.
yes,im envious or even downright jealous.

i knew i am the source to my own plight.
and what im positively dreading now is the results.
i knew i didnt do well.
if i did,God is kind to me.

to receive good results and just make it to a poly.
and most importantly,gain ur forgiveness.
and we can be great and close again.

i know u are prideful;so am I.
i know u still love and care for me.
but sometimes im afraid u do so because u are obliged to.
or maybe im thinking too much.
i dunno.

so what if im turning 18?
im still a kid.
i need someone to love,nag,bicker and just
basically shower me with affections.
in the family.

i planned ahead of me.
last year's series of events really taught me alot.
It may sound too realistic or a stupid thought but its my life.

im gonna marry a rich fuck.
and even when we get a divorce or watsoever,i make sure
i receive a whole lot of money to secure me and my kids.

and even when im married,i'll still work and learn new skills.
and continue to upgrade myself.
and save.

okay.i think im abit overboard now.but
money makes the world go round.
dont say love,dont bluff urself anymore.

sorry for e emo post.
just wanna blog out.

9:49 PM

Sunday, February 4

_______*****_____

How can i not be proud and touched?

thank you so much.

u make my day!

LOL.as what my mum said,u can be an artist already.

u make me all teary-eyed!

awwwwwwwwwwwww~

11:13 PM

Saturday, February 3

i saw a pile of shit outside my block abt half an hr ago.
and this weird half-naked guy sawing wood near the shit.

on a more somber note,actress cum singer xu wei lun passed away.
at first,i was like who e hell she is.and i saw the news and all,i was
Ohhhhhh...OHHHH..omg!

LIKE SO YOUNG N PRETTY!
such a promising future and she died from a car accident.
she's not particularly famous and all.

and it's certainly saddening that for now she is hot news.
the reason.For being dead!
pity.

anything can happen.who knows?like i could type this entry halfway
and the ceiling would fall on me.and i would die.
or maybe like what huiqun had said,get killed and suffocate to death
in an elephant's faeces.

and i once read a baby who suffocate to death while being breastfeed.
i was amused intially,i thought it was a fucking dumbass way to die
but come to think about it.

anything is possible.

11:21 PM

Friday, February 2

i met this customer today and she made an impression on me.
not her,her words actually.

she took a dull orange adidas polo tee and asked my opinion.
''Does this look cheena?''
i stared in disbelief.

for the ppl who dunno what cheena is,it basically just means
chinese who are basically very chinese in terms of their lifestyles,
the way they speak and whatsoever.it also means like an insult to mainlanders
of their old-fashioness.

(the above is my own definition,do correct me if im wrong.)

back to her.
i was like ''No.not at all''
she went''Ohh,im afraid my son think too cheena and dont wanna wear.''

anyway,what i wanna point out is that why ahh?
i mean we are all chinese.its like we despise our own kind
or we are trying to be a wannabe banana.

so what if u were brought up in a english-speaking family?
so what u wear westernised clothing and listen to their music?
so what if u follow their styles and even create a fake accent of ur own?
u can never ever escape the fact that u are yellow-skinned.

of course im not asking all of us to wear qiqaos and bound our feet.
thats plain stupid.
but i just wanna express out,u are what u are.

its shown out OBVIOUSLY.
here u are in singapore,whereby u can shoot out ur impressive vocabulary
and mock at the cheenafield ppl UR OWN KIND.
but if u were to go to the states,it would be a total different issue.
it will be others who despise ur color.

learn to appreciate ur own roots yeah?

10:47 PM

Thursday, February 1

Thats me,my surname not bird hor.
(masterpiece by art student yuwens.)

miss times like this.typical random cam-whoring or just a bitching
session would never occur in the same class anymore=(

Mr tan (my physics teacher) patiently re- teaching me and lianya.
AFTER a normal lesson.
LIKE SO NICE CAN?
we used to think he has a crush on us.
HAHAHAHA~im seriously joking.

_________*** ***________

We are going to get our results back soon.
like REAL soon.LIKE THIS VERY MONTH?!
after that everyone will go their separate ways.
our futures may be entwined in some ways or the other.
but sadly to say,things will never be the same as before!

i would miss drawing caricatures of mr tan and mr tang.
or just doodling my arse like nobody's business.

i would miss the schoolgirl crushes like my EC.
and fawning over the cute guys.

i would miss taking down notes and trying
to decipher my own messy handwriting.

i would miss the countless times the whole class gt oursleves into shit.
we are not exactly the united class as we are separated into our
different cliques.but we do bond as a class=)

i would miss you.yes,YOU YOU~!
as long u were a part of my life in bowen for e last 5 years,
u played a part in my wonderful memories.

Let's create new memories.
and for the people i known during these years(be it be mere acquaintance
or my cliche or my classmates).

we may be apart but we can still play a part.
In having class gatherings,initiating meets-up and just remincise.
(i lifted the first sentence from a handicapped associated
ad thingy in any case did u found it familiar?)

Good luck in all ur future endeavors.
and just remember me.
or FORGET ME NOT.

2:52 PM

it's amazing how an impression of a certain somebody can change so drastically.

Here i was,thinking and even deliberating avoiding that
someone because i felt we had mutual netural
(with a hint of i dun really give a damm to you) feelings towards each other.
And i sense a slight sinister aura that 'somebody' gave me.
but it turned out that that the 'sombody' turned out to be an extremely nice person,
and was concerned abt my well-being.

Not to mention that somebody was extremely thoughtful today.
if i were in her position,
i would have totally ruined the whole thing and threw my face down the ground.
i never ever expected to blog abt her today,maybe as a standing joke but never a
main subject.

im sorry to have wronged u.
and thanks for all the help u given me.
she shall remain anonymous for the protection of her privacy and well-being.
haha,no lah.
i just wish not to disclose her.

ya.lesson learnt.
take time to know one.
first impressions are lasting but later impressions counts e most=)

ps:and i think i really rocked,
cos i help a stranger saved 560 dollars and a memory of regrets.
pls give me a standing ovation.
but i just feel damm darn good now.

12:01 AM