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Monday, February 5
it has been close to 4 months.i was not enforced with any disclipine.i could choose to take the alternative road of beinga good for nothing,or a wannabe hooligan.or even being deliberately led astray.but i didnt.because it's stupid and i didnt want to continuemaking any more stupid mistakes.i have been selfish and irresponsible.i realise it.i really miss and love you.its being hard on you.i dunno how can i help u when we are in barely talking terms.i know u had a hard time trying to raise money for the loans.i know there has been significant changes in ur life.things has got slightly better.at least u no longer appear nonchalent to my existance.and u no longer lock the door.but still,i miss you.its heart-wretching to see those cheebye families while i working.although they bicker and drive me up the wall,there's family warmth and love.yes,im envious or even downright jealous.i knew i am the source to my own plight.and what im positively dreading now is the results.i knew i didnt do well.if i did,God is kind to me.to receive good results and just make it to a poly.and most importantly,gain ur forgiveness.and we can be great and close again.i know u are prideful;so am I.i know u still love and care for me.but sometimes im afraid u do so because u are obliged to.or maybe im thinking too much.i dunno.so what if im turning 18?im still a kid.i need someone to love,nag,bicker and justbasically shower me with affections.in the family.i planned ahead of me.last year's series of events really taught me alot.It may sound too realistic or a stupid thought but its my life.im gonna marry a rich fuck.and even when we get a divorce or watsoever,i make surei receive a whole lot of money to secure me and my kids.and even when im married,i'll still work and learn new skills.and continue to upgrade myself.and save.okay.i think im abit overboard now.butmoney makes the world go round.dont say love,dont bluff urself anymore.sorry for e emo post.just wanna blog out.
9:49 PM
